Stop trying to fix me. Just be with me.

I recently watched a video presentation at Yale Divinity School by someone who is leading a reevaluation of youth ministry. While he is a presbyterian, some of his comments were rather profound, in my own opinion.

The main thing that stuck out to me was a story he told. He was a newly married person, and his wife was, at the time, going through some stressful happenings at work and with her family. Well, he said he felt as if it was his responsibility to fix everything so that she could be happy. Each night, he would try and fix everything that came up. After a few nights like that, his wife furiously reacted, saying "Stop trying to fix me. Just be with me."


He eventually connected her reaction to how we look at youth ministry. Many people see youth ministry as the perfect opportunity to straight up the American youth in the Christian tradition. Not only is that repelling to most youth, that isn't what we should be going for. We shouldn't try to fix them. We should be with them. Correction isn't what they want, or need for that matter. What they want and need is community.

The word community derives from the fourteenth century French word comunité, meaning commonness or everybody. When we try to fix people, we assume that we are doing the right thing and they are doing the wrong thing. That places us on different levels. This ruins the community that we are trying to establish as Christians. Even if it means we are different, we are to just be with people–to live in community. So, stop trying to fix them. Just be with them.